Being a parent is one of the most exciting journeys of one’s life and the voyage is full of ups and downs. It’s all about learning, unlearning and relearning . But, if a parent says that he or she is a perfect one – I hail you.
I fail everyday, I make new mistakes everyday and I learn something new everyday. These big and small parenting failures work as a fuel to run the show.
Parenting failure is something that we all face. It doesn’t matter how much we’ve prepared ourselves in advanced to be a parent – read books on parenting, attended sessions( seminar/ webinars), discussed and taken inputs from people around us, but when we become a parent, we see the theoretical knowledge is not enough to be a good parent. You fail everyday. You are judged – sometimes by the society or sometimes by own. Also, the idea of being a perfect parent impairs the whole scene when you don’t feel connected to the “perfect parent picture” which you’ve read, painted in your head or wanted to become.
Here I’m confessing my biggest parenting failures that has become a part of my journey now.
CONSISTENCY : Consistency is one area where I fail everyday, every time. I’ve set up few standards for myself and I try to do things based on that. Like setting up a meal time, bed time, read time, play time and etc. We all try to be consistent when it comes to discipline our kids – it’s the more practical and tested way ,but it can also be the most monotonous and dull way too. Like , I’ve set up a bed time of 9 pm for by boys and I run around the clock to finish all the housework by that time, it’s good in a way but also very tiring that I end up screaming at them on some days. So the variable here is-my state of mind and my inconsistency affects my children.
SETTING EXPECTATIONS : Who sets the parenting expectations? Who sets the standard of a perfect parent and child? By having expectations from your kids only creates a gap between you both, and we all know this by now,but we still set expectations. Expectation of having a clean house, well behaved kids, a calm mother, not laughing too loud, being polite with the guests and the list goes on. This is something which I personally want to give up- Unrealistic expectations. There will be a time in few years when you‘ll have a clean house, your kids will be independent, you’ll have all the time for yourself but when you’ll look back you feel the burden of expectations.
GIVING REWARDS: Finish your meal- I will give you a candy. Help me with the laundry – you get to play with that doctor set. Do you do this ? Well, I do. And every time I say it’s the last time I’m doing this. Bribing has become a daily story at my house and I have normalised it in such a way that now my kids won’t do anything without knowing what’s their reward . Off late I’m rewarding them with a positive point( “+VE written on a sticky note) and they stick it on the refrigerator. It’s working but some days they just want some “real” rewards.
Some days are easy, some days are tough. You won’t realise what it feels to be a parent unless you become one! And you are not a failure. We all are sailing on the same boat. This is how we learn and grow. Parenting failure is something that every parent face. My failure could be different from yours. So don’t be harsh on yourself.
We all love our kids unconditionally and that’s all matters at the end!
Do share your parenting failures in the comment box and let’s see how we all are connected through our failures. 🙂